I have narrowed my list of what angers me into four broad areas and the first of those is constantly having to battle my internalized negative thinking that I know feeds into my low self confidence. I know that this issue is common among those with disabilities, and at almost 24 years old, I am still fighting that fight; it makes me angry because at times it seems that no matter how much I know I’ve grown and how much I’ve accomplished in life, I still don’t feel good about myself. I have to say that the most aggravating part is knowing that those days of a childhood full of criticism are long gone, but still having to deal with a sometimes defensive and bitter mindset. I don’t mind sharing that side of myself with readers because it is honest; you grow and learn as life continues , but some days wi
ll be difficult and I want to let others know it is okay to have a “down day” ; it doesn’t make you crazy, it just makes you human and there is a way to get a handle on things so life can be better. How do you that?
I can tell you that it’s one of the hardest hurdles to jump over. When I’m having one of my harder days, I try to take some alone time and do something that I enjoy. For instance, if my legs are aching then a nice, hot bubble bath feels wonderful and those also are used to calm me down; there’s nothing more relaxing than a bubble bath! (I also enjoy writing, reading, or watching one of my favorite movies). I love being outside too; being in a quiet area presents an ideal opportunity to clear your head and refresh your thoughts back to a positive space. I have even found a good healthy cry to be beneficial. Don’t keep feelings bottled up!
The second aspect of myself that makes me the most angry is my tendency to beat myself up over past mistakes and decisions that were not the brightest; I am a person who feels theneedfor explanations and I try to find one for everything that I do. However, I have found that some of those mistakes just don’t have a sensible reason for happening; humans are capable of doing the most stupid things; but it doesn’t change the fact that the most nonsensical things cause the most pain in our hearts. I’ve come a long way in my personal growth due to the missteps I’ve taken. I think so often people with disabilities get stuck in their thoughts and just focus on trying to feel better in the moment no matter the cost; I know that I have not always thought things through and I’ve had very selfish moments. I regret that at a younger age, I did not realize how much I’m capable of giving to others just by being myself. The best advice I can offer is to learn to simply draw positives from the negative things you encounter in life; you may not be able to change the results of your some of your past, but you can always let yourself gain something from the experiences instead of letting them hold you back. Make everything in your life as positive as possible. I am looking forward to sharing my life with clients and being a mentor; being able to do something of that nature makes me life feel even more purposeful. Staying positive as much as you can makes life more exciting and enjoyable! I am certain that I would not be the person I am today had it not been for those “oops” moments.
Lastly, the other aspects of myself that make me angry are the fact that I have never been very vocal about my feelings to my family and also the fact that I tend to let myself stay in my emotions for too long; I end up forgetting to be thankful that I have an otherwise great and healthy life and at times I feel I’m not very appreciative. I get stuck in my own little world and I forget who I’ve grown up to be. I’m no queen of anything, but I never imagined that I would live a life that is so very blessed. I am the worst at asking others for help when I need it; other than not driving, I am a very independent young woman. I clean, cook, and I help with expenses of the household (food, water, electric and my cell phone). I have found that guidance is necessary when you are traveling down this road; as much as I love and cherish my family, I know that they aren’t going to understand absolutely everything about dealing with a disability; that’s why I feel so happy and excited to be working towards being a mentor to others who are facing a similar battle; I’m here to let them know that it is possible to turn the big setbacks into small little victories one day at a time. I am hoping that maybe one day I could be an actual counselor. I am proud to be doing something good with all that life has taught me and I truly want to be a help to others; I want to show those with disabilities that the tough times don’t last and that one can become a person who can make a difference; all it takes is learning to deal with how you feel.
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