What Jesus Means to Me (Easter 2018)

Spring has once again made its presence known, despite the fact that it has remained snowy and cold; with this season change comes the time in which we celebrate Easter. Capturing the essence of the holiday may at the surface find people immersed in Easter egg hunts, chocolate bunnies, or baskets filled with a variety of candies.

The true reason behind this day is the celebration of Jesus Christ's resurrection. He is my Lord and Savior, my best friend,  and the whole reason I am who I am. I have to spend some time on the blog just praising Him for all the work He's done in my life. He's been with me through every part of my journey, and I am so eternally grateful.

I wanted to share just a few of the many ways in which He's brought joy and light into my life.

1)My personal relationship with Him- I accepted Christ as my Savior on June 24, 2004 and my life has never been the same; it has continued so beautifully. I gained so much more than I expected: a forever friend, unconditional love, and so much purpose that has been reflected in all of my struggles. My walk with Christ has strengthened due to the rough road I've traveled; I couldn't have as much joy as I do without His presence and guidance. I am able to see my surroundings as He sees them. I have peace and contentment. Keeping faith in His plan isn't always the easiest thing to do as His plans are sometimes hard to understand, but it is so worth every blessing and worth knowing I am living my days serving Him. He makes me the happiest I could possibly be.

2) My relationship with my Momma-  My mother is the strongest person I know and has been such a blessing in my life; I am so thankful to call her mine. Jesus has most definitely paired us together for a reason. We love each other and we keep each other going throughout all of life's most precious and unpredictable moments. I truly don't know what I would do or who I would be without her; she's always instilled in me the desire to pursue everything life has to offer, and to stay focused on putting God first in everything I do. I love you so much, Momma.

3) My Writing Journey- "Molly's Zone" began as an inspirational blog and has evolved into one of my greatest blessings; many doors have opened and life has become a joyous ride. I am excited to continue on my journey as I'm not sure where He'll lead me to next. I love watching His beautiful plan for my life unfold. Jesus has always been a great help in helping me to find topics to write on; when I pray, one usually pops out of the blue. I am a called writer, and this is something I shall always happily do.

4) My Outlook On Life- As a child of God, I have noticed myself seeing situations through His eyes. I take my faith seriously, and I do my best to keep my determination. We are all human, and none of us are perfect in any way, but it is important to keep in mind the focus of your life and what you are doing with it. What kind of mark do you wish to leave? What is your ultimate goal? Are you putting Him first?

Having a disability is not a blessing; it has caused a lot of heartbreak and anxiety for me through the years; I have socialization issues that I wish I didn't have. I have experienced depression battles in the past; I work so much harder than my able-bodied peers just because I grew up thinking I always had a point to prove. The true blessing throughout my own personal journey with cerebral palsy has been meeting such wonderful people, getting to travel and experience life, and having the chance to be the lighthouse that others need. I love seeing the words I write touch so many lives; in spite of my disability, I find joy in Him using my life for His glory.

5) My Continued Health Improvement- I am still so thankful for my continued improvement health wise. Going through this vitamin deficiency trial has been the most challenging experience of my life thus far. I am still so happy that a diagnosis was made and that I am on the way to being completely healed. I am grateful for His protection and use of my experience to help others. Seeing the impact of my article was a priceless treasure.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Easter! Remember to be grateful for all that you have. Jesus should always come first; He is truly what this day is all about.

A New Diagnosis & A New Life

Cerebral palsy is a part of my life that has made me no stranger to the frequent obstacle; I have grown accustomed to having to continuously adapt as I encounter situations that arise; to speak up for myself when it is necessary.

Even when it means dealing with situations that are terrifying to face.

My health issues began late this past August. I had started to feel a bit run down, but I attributed that to the simple fact that I had been writing and working a lot as my career had started to grow and I was becoming busier than I had ever been.

I kept pushing forward, as it's what my mom would do. You're okay, I thought. You're doing a lot more and your body is adjusting. I logically reasoned that cerebral palsy was the main cause, so I remained quiet to most and continued living my life.

During this time, I caught pharyngitis for a second time. I had experienced this a year prior and thought nothing of its return; it is an inflammation of the pharynx and while it involved a painful sore throat and affected my breathing, I took the required medicine and soon recovered. I was left feeling a bit weak; it was nothing out of the ordinary.

Or so, I thought.

I began to notice that the weakness from the infection never went away; instead, it had seemed to find a home within me. My level of functionality continued to decline as more troubling symptoms started to make their presence known.

I noticed that I seemed to have difficulty catching my breath; in a sitting down position, I still could not breathe without the use of an inhaler. I was not feeling right; this prompted me to mention my concerns at my routine checkup with my physician. I had been given a clean bill of health that day. The only part out of the ordinary was my weight gain; I had put on eleven pounds in one year. We came to the conclusion that it must be contributing to what was going on with me. My basic vitals that were checked came back fine. I had plenty of oxygen. My blood pressure was perfect.

I had not had blood work done in seven or eight years, but that fact never seemed relevant as I do have cerebral palsy and I'm not as physically active as I should be; in December, I purchased a treadmill in hopes that getting in shape would help my health to recover on its own.

My fatigue continued to worsen and I still felt like garbage. I kept trying to convey that I had growing concerns that something was really wrong, and I kept getting the same answer :I wasn't getting enough exercise, and I was eating much too big of portions. I faithfully use my treadmill, and after Christmas I toned down my snacking a great deal. Nothing seemed to help.

 The new year brought on other symptoms that seemed to appear with a vengeance.

I have had spells of my hands and fingers tingling and going numb over the years, and that had become a daily occurrence by January. Heightening my frustration was yet another pharyngitis episode that seemed to escalate my issue to its climax. In addition to becoming even weaker from this second bout of sickness, I also began to ache all over. Even my fingernails ached. Excruciating pain. A far cry from cerebral palsy aches. I could barely move any part of my body. My lower back has been a problem for years and was the main source of pain; I didn't want to get out of bed. I would have okay days, and on those days I would write or walk on my treadmill if I could manage. My blog posts became somewhat sporadic. My anxiety grew to a fierce level as I began to realize something WAS wrong.

If I was as healthy as I was led to believe, why did I feel so terrible all of the time? What were these pharyngitis episodes about? Why were the said episodes never mentioned even though they were on my chart?  My concerns seemed to either be brushed off as something minuscule in size, or just plain ignored.

So many questions. And yet, no answers.

I knew by instinct it was something much more.

I needed answers. I had to find a doctor who would listen and help to ease my mind. Depression in its slightest form began to overshadow the anxiety I felt, as I continued to decline with no end in sight. Writing had become an exhausting chore instead of something I dearly loved; my passionate fire for it was snuffed out. I had begun to sleep more and more. I began losing fingernails. I also began losing hope. My chest was so tight; I struggled to get any air in as I felt myself being restricted by imaginary cement blocks bound by the heaviest of chains that were planted on top of me. I had always had trouble with insomnia but at this point, my medicine could not soothe me to sleep.

Fear set in as I thought I was dying. I began recognizing my mother's lupus flares within my symptoms.My aunt on my father's side of my family died from complications of systemic lupus.  Oh no, I thought. What do  I do? 

I. Was. Terrified.

 Depressed, anxious, and terrified.

I wondered what would happen to me.

A couple of weeks ago, I had finally reached my breaking point.

My mental health took a huge nosedive. The depression and anxiety were both worsening. I felt the worst I'd ever felt. I sat at the kitchen table pondering over my life. I was afraid of the unknown and I truly had no idea what life had in store for me.

I wanted more than anything to feel better. To feel human. To function.

My mother stared at me with a worried look and said, "Look at the shape you're in. You have to do something. Make an appointment for this week". 

After spending the day calling around, I managed to find a new doctor. I was feeling hopeful and praying that this appointment would lead to answers.

My medical history was taken; my lungs were listened to, and an EKG was done. Everything came back great; before I could leave, they wanted to get blood work done: a full blood panel.

One test I had NEVER had done. Six vials of blood. The blood work that was done years ago only amounted up to three vials; I was checked for liver damage because of antidepressants I was on at the time.

Who knew a simple blood test could change your life?

The results showed no presence of any autoimmune disease, but they still held the key to an important diagnosis; it was discovered that I have been suffering from a severe vitamin D2 deficiency. Normal levels are anywhere from 70-100 and I am at 10.

Reading the symptoms online was like discovering a biography on my life that chronicled the past ten years; I have battled depression and anxiety since the age of sixteen...my mental health issues began after outgrowing summers on the trampoline and getting away from being in the sun constantly. Which leads me to pose the question: Could my levels have started dropping ten years ago?

With all the evidence I have with symptoms coming and going during years prior, I firmly believe so.

Vitamin D2 deficiencies have a direct tie to anxiety and depression, insomnia, numbness in any part of the body, lower back pain, bone pain, muscle pain, weight gain, etc. So many of my symptoms.

I finally got my answer.

 I have found through research that Vitamin D deficiencies of any sort are surprisingly common in people with cerebral palsy because our bodies use the vitamin differently and in higher quantities than our able-bodied peers.

A new life has begun.

I have been prescribed Calciferol for the next six months; a medicine that I am so thankful for. I have zero pain, endless energy, and joy unspeakable. While it is an easy fix, it is by no means quick. I am looking at six months to a year of full recovery time. I take it once a week. My body usually crashes on Sunday night, and I have a window of time where I don't feel well until I take another dose on Monday night; a real life roller coaster ride.

The goal is that my levels will get to a normal range, and I will eventually be able to switch to an over the counter supplement. While the deficiency itself is not life threatening, it can lead to serious health complications if left too low for too long. Some of those include: the development of a variety of cancers (the deficiency causes your body to lose its ability to fight off infections, thus explaining why I had the pharyngitis so often and reason for the possibility of cancer), the development of hypertension, type 2 diabetes, a whole laundry list of scary illnesses.

I am SO thankful for my life right now; I feel I dodged a potentially serious bullet. I am glad to be on the mend and on my way to a healthy life. I am so happy I found a physician who took the time with me, to listen and investigate every possibility. I am loving life and I'm ecstatic to be back at work full swing.

I want to bring awareness to this issue because it can happen to anyone. Be sure to keep an eye on your vitamin levels! If you feel the least bit out of the ordinary, get to a doctor who will listen and investigate.

I have resumed work on my Rooted In Rights article on employment; I already had the topic approved in January. I sent in my first batch of research yesterday and will continue to do more as I write. I have finally been clear headed and energetic enough to get my piece structure down pat, and the first few sentences written. I am excited about it, and I'm looking forward to this year. I still have my goals, and everything is still very much a work in progress.

I love all of my readers, and I'm so thankful for your prayers and support. I was so frightened and my whole life stopped for a good while, but I'm still here. I am just thankful I followed my instinct and got some help; I had already become so symptomatic with this, so who knows what would have eventually happened to me?

Well, I know one thing's for sure. I'm still kicking and I'm not quitting just yet! I may have gotten knocked down, but I'm not out!