A Letter To A Younger Me

Dear Teenaged Self,

I’m writing this letter to a beautiful teenaged girl who needs to know her worth is far greater than she could ever imagine. Molly, I know that being a teenager sucks, and I know very well the pain you have battled from within your soul because you haven’t yet accepted that you are different; you feel as though cerebral palsy has makes you a “weirdo”, or at least that’s what those who have bullied you for many years have made you believe. I’m so happy to be able to let you know that your life WILL get sweeter eventually. I want to emphasize two things about you that desperately need to be corrected: first of all, those who think they know you really don’t have the slightest clue and their opinion doesn’t matter. Secondly, you have a tendency to want to please and impress others; you need to stop that because there will be people who will always reject you, but you have friends who will always love and care for you. Learn to live to make yourself happy. The love of school and learning that you have will only continue to grow; you will go on to finish college with honor while making several loving friends along the way. The four years that you spend in college will be one heck of a rollercoaster ride; you will make mistakes, but you will also learn a lot. Determination is a quality that will help you soar in the future; it will help you to overcome the identity crisis and the depression that you have battled with for so long, and for that I’m so proud of you. Molly, you are such a fighter and you don’t even know it; I realize that it’s hard to see past the “retarded” label you’ve been given. Molly you are smart, talented, and beautiful; don’t let the hurtful words of others get to you. A change in the world is needed, and I have faith that you could be the voice of so many who are struggling simply by expressing yourself through your writing. You have such a sparkling personality and even though it may take you awhile to find your place in the world, when you do you will! Chase your dreams and embrace the people who love you and forget those who don’t. Please don’t be anything more or less that what you are. You WILL make it! I promise! Keep going because you are in the position to possibly change someone’s life. I hope one day you will be able to see that your disability is not a disability at all; instead it is a chance to take a stand and advocate for acceptance of those who have been labeled “different.” I can’t wait to see everything unfold.

Love,

My Adult Self

The Importance of Self Expression

Self expression is an aspect of human existence that is essential in the development of a healthy individual; so many of us neglect to notice others individuality simply because the world conditions us to think self expression is something that makes us odd or out of the ordinary; that couldn't be further from the truth. This week I want to discuss the importance of self expression; I have some healthy advice on how to tap into your individuality and live life to your fullest potential. I hope all of my readers take away something positive from today's post.

First of all, one must establish a sense of self worth; once you have an idea of who you are and what you want to make of your life, your desire to express yourself will increase greatly. Now, I'd be lying if I said I have all of life figured out; I don’t and I don't know if I ever will; the repercussions of growing up and being labeled "different" include low self esteem and no real sense of self, simply because most of your childhood is spent trying to be a "normal kid", what ever normal can be described as these days. The road to individuality begins when you decide that who YOU are is good enough for the world; sure, I have days where I feel like banging my head against a wall and days where I question my whole existence; those are normal human thoughts and feelings; I have learned that it's okay to cry every now and then. Luckily, those feelings pass, and I realize that I do have a purpose and I will find it; so will you! Everyone is here for a specific reason, you just have to realize that your unique self is enough and push yourself to make the best out of your life; how you handle what you've been dealt is entirely up to you. 

Secondly, you must find a way to healthily open up and express your thoughts and emotions; for me, my self expression shines through my writing. As a little girl, I was the worst about bottling up what I felt inside. I began having issues with depression at a very young age; every person should be honest and own every part of themselves; society definitely doesn’t make it an easy task, but the good news is as you grow older, you do acquire interests that help you find yourself; my hope for my life is that it turns out to be something truly remarkable that I could never have imagined for myself. I have a dream, and that is to help others who deal with any type of disability, whether it be mental or physical, to make their lives better and I am determined to make that happen; you have to realize your passion and summon up the strength and courage that it takes to accomplish greatness.

Lastly, you must aim to remove any doubts from within yourself; doubt is what I refer to as " the number  one trigger" for the onset of feelings of worthlessness; doubt and success don't mix; my dream is mine and I'm staying focused and that's what you need to do; it's okay to be in your emotions briefly, but do your best not to stay in those feelings. Write them down. Share them. Be open. Be honest. Life isn't made of unicorns and rainbows; sometimes you have to learn to step outside of yourself and find a spirit of determination that is undefeatable; the most important outcome of self expression is to make a positive mark on this planet; that way you will have achieved your dream and your life will reflect what you are fighting for in the most unordinarily wonderful way. 

My Birthday Week

The past week was full of birthday celebrations and tons of fun. I was not sure about a topic to choose for this week’s blog post, so I have elected to make things light and fun by sharing the details of my “birthday week”. I cannot believe that I am six years away from turning thirty, where does the time go?

 The morning of my birthday started out relatively uneventful; I woke up and enjoyed a new kind of Special K cereal (Apple Raspberry Almond) for breakfast; the morning quickly turned into a day that was full of love. I was pleasantly surprised with a beautiful arrangement of what I think were yellow roses and day lilies from my NRS family, and I received so many texts, calls, and posts on my Facebook page that my cell phone actually froze up at one point. I feel so appreciative of all of the people who helped me to have a wonderful day. 

 The gifts that I got from loved ones were all practical, useful items. My favorite present was a red ottoman that matched perfectly with the reading chair in my office. No more tired feet! I am enjoying my reading chair so much more now; I am in the middle of reading “The Fault in our Stars”, it is such a good read that I highly recommend! My second most favorite gift was a relaxing pedicure that I enjoyed the following morning (Wednesday). I chose to have my toenails painted a semi bright shade of pink; the best part about a pedicure is getting your feet massaged; my cousin joined in on the fun and I’m glad we got to spend some time together.

After my toes were done, I returned home and my mother took me out to a birthday lunch at my all time favorite restaurant, Longhorn Steakhouse; we ordered a Texas Tonion as an appetizer(onion ring pedals drizzled with sour cream and served with horseradish), and we each got  huge bacon cheeseburgers and French fries. Yum!

Lunch left me unbelievably full and I was ready for a girls night; one of my  college friends who I have kept in contact with for the past several months invited me to come stay over with her at her house and I happily agreed; we had not seen each other since our graduation night nearly two years ago; as much as we’ve talked on Facebook, it was great to visually see her and give her a giant hug. The night was spent eating pizza, popcorn, and binge watching Netflix; she introduced me to the Walking Dead, and I introduced her to Glee; we had a great time together.  

The weekend weather was very nasty here in West Virginia; I feel as though the early Spring groundhog prediction was wrong, and Mother Nature can’t make up what season the world is in. Saturday brought snowy, cold, and windy weather. I had wanted to invite friends to the house for pizza, but decided to cancel because of the forecast; the snow ended up not being as bad as what was expected, but the air was still frigid cold. I am planning to host a summer time bonfire with all of my friends in attendance; no details yet, but I am looking forward to some roasted marshmallows! I am hoping warm weather will make a permanent appearance soon.  

My fun came to a close on Sunday afternoon with cake and ice cream shared with family; we got half a sheet cake from Kroger’s and it was a delicious white cake decorated with pink and orange roses; we all quickly got our fill of sugary sweet icing; Neopolitan ice cream accompanied the cake. Can’t forget the ice cream! 

I hope everyone enjoyed reading about my birthday; I had a bit of trouble coming up with blog material for this week, but I’m happy that I chose to write about my week. Twenty four is already enjoyable, and I’m only a week into it. I feel a sense of empowerment and I just hope that this age sees me continuing to be the strong willed lady I have become; I hope to continue to chase my dreams and accomplish each one of them.  

What's In Store for 24?

The post for this week is centered around a very special topic: birthdays! Birthdays are meaningful because they have the potential to serve as a day of self reflection, and can make way for the development of new and exciting dreams! I have temporarily changed “blog day” to Monday for the week because I am turning twenty four tomorrow! I am looking forward to this birthday in particular because I feel at this stage of personal growth, I am the most fierce version of myself. I have come into my own in terms of life, and I’m glad because I grew tired of struggling so much. I have created a small list of goals I hope to accomplish while being twenty four (since I can’t share my wishes!), and I hope to bring a smile to a lot of faces today. I’m a tough cookie who has faced so much; I’m still keeping on keeping on and I’m doing well! 

Goal 1: Continued Health & Happiness: One of my biggest struggles is no longer such an ordeal anymore: depression and anxiety. I am proud to say I’m over a year into my freedom from those demons; when I look back, realizing that I needed help and taking advantage of that help was one of the smartest things I could have ever done; I didn’t want help at the time, but I am glad I had family and friends who stepped in and helped me to get on the road to recovery. I encourage anyone who may be struggling to speak out and take care of yourself by doing whatever is necessary for your specific situation. A mental health issue is both just as serious and treatable as a physical illness; it is no different. I am doing so very well. I wake up every morning clear headed and ready to start my day. My hope is that twenty four is just as great or even better than twenty three has been for me. I know that I never want to return to that darkness ever again; once you get out of that tunnel, the world truly becomes your oyster. I hope that my days continue down this path. 

Goal 2: Keep Writing: I love being a writer. My one regret is not utilizing my talent at an earlier point of my life; twenty four will have me in search of new blog material, but I find researching and brainstorming to be both exciting and rewarding. I don’t plan any major life happenings on a concrete basis anymore; having only one plan sets you up for disaster and disappointment. I’ve learned to have ideas, but to go whatever direction the wind may blow me. Life not only has the potential to be lived, but it can also be enjoyed. Who knows what will happen? My new life motto is: Live to seize every opportunity and work as hard as you can while taking part in something your passionate about; for me, that passion is being a writer. 

Goal 3: Venture into Fiction: One of my newest dreams is to venture into writing fiction; I have always been a creative thinker, and I have decided to pursue every bit of potential greatness. I had wanted to write fiction for a brief time in the past, but I kept pushing the desire away thinking it was a crazy idea; in retrospect, what seems really crazy was not following the path that seems to have been meant for me. I’m at the stage of living where I’m young, talented, and enjoying life. Who cares what others think? I have nothing to lose, so I’m chasing my dreams. I know writing is what makes me the happiest and the most fulfilled. I’m a story teller by heart. 

Goal 4: Become A Mentor: Mentoring others is one thing I have not yet gotten to do; I am hoping that at twenty four, I will see that come to pass; another dream of mine is to one day become a motivational speaker. Life has dealt me several difficult cards, but I have somehow kept going and I have learned a lot throughout my transition into adulthood so far. I feel that I have the potential to positively influence someone because of all that I’ve went through. I cannot wait to see what being twenty four has in store for me! I’m happy with what kind of person life is shaping me to become. I would want to show others that an enjoyable life is a possibility even with a disability. I have made it through and so can anyone else…you just have to go for it!

Goal 5: Publish Work: I hope twenty four sees me as a published author; I am currently in the beginning stages of writing my first work of semi-fiction. I have several story ideas in my head that I want to write about, both fiction and nonfiction. I don’t know if it will happen within the year, but I am hoping to publish one of my stories before the age of twenty five. When you’re a writer, the sky is the limit, right? I know that’s how I feel; you’ve got to be a bit on the ambitious side. I love the researching part of writing a book; it’s like a scavenger hunt: time consuming, but a lot of fun!

Goal 6: Find Someone Special: I hope to find a special someone in the distant future; this goal is not a top priority of mine at the moment. I went through the “needing a boyfriend” stage. I am thankful that I have grown and matured from that experience; I am more focused on my writing career. I do want a family, but another reason I don’t is because I am finding it difficult to meet a decent man. I’m happy that someone else no longer determines my self worth. I’m proud that at twenty four, I finally know who I am; I need to get myself fully established and by the time I do that, I know that finding someone will be even more of a blessing; at twenty four, I’m the most contented I’ve ever been.