My 2015 Blessings

The Thanksgiving holiday is just a week away and I couldn't be more excited. I enjoy the meal, and the time with family spent, even if it is just me, my brother, and my mother at the dinner table. 2015 has surely been a year full of peace, joy, and blessings; it is quite the positive change from the previous year that was filled with illnesses, despair, and difficult circumstances. I found it difficult to put into words how much I am thankful for, because so much has changed in just a year, but I wanted to get in the holiday spirit this week and share the things that I am most grateful for. 

First and foremost, I am most grateful for my relationship with Christ. I came know Him as my Savior at the age of 12 during Vacation Bible School one night at the church my sister and her husband went to at the time; when I got saved, everything about my life changed for the better; that time in my life had been particularly difficult. God has always taken such good care of me, no matter what I've faced or what I've done. The mental health issues I have faced have been around for some time now, but I am so happy that I have God who loves me enough to see me through it all and to guide me, even if I sometimes have trouble trusting in Him. I'd like to think that growing up with a disability has turned me into a woman with super strength who is amazingly radiant; I used to feel this way, but it was this year that God helped me to realize that being a Christian doesn't mean I'll ever be superhuman, and that it is vital to rely on Him only. I still battle with myself every day, but I also have God who had the power to rebuild me when I had no power or desire to function I'm thankful to be on a much healthier path in life these days. I never imagined I'd be enjoying life so much. He's given me courage that I've never had before. He's given me to power to own my flaws.  I'm thankful He gave me what I

couldn't give myself. I'm thankful He sees what I can't; each day is now a pleasant surprise instead of emotional chaos. 

My second greatest blessing has to be my mother. We are best friends who have been through so much together; to me, she is the person I love most. I don't know what I would do without her. I have put her through some stressful times; dealing with me is no piece of cake, but she has always stuck right by me and for that I'm thankful; her unconditional love for me has always meant more than she knows. 2014 really was a difficult year for both of us. My mother was finally diagnosed with discoid lupus after suffering some serious health issues in previous years. Autoimmune diseases are scary business; as a daughter, it was heartbreaking to see my mother struggling to catch her breath and staying so exhausted; not to mention her skin was so inflamed that it was nearly purple. I felt helpless. I'm happy to say that 2015 has been a brighter year for her as well; she has been sickness free for nearly a year thanks to taking precautions when it comes to sunlight and medication. She is the sweetest lady I've ever known, and I feel so lucky to be her little girl; no matter how old I get, the unique bond between my mom and I will never be broken. I love you Mom!!

My third greatest blessing is the opportunity that I've been given through Next Right Steps. Calling this part of my life an unexpected blessing would be an understatement; I had been praying relentlessly; I needed so badly to find what it was God wanted me to do; it was a definite answer to my prayers. This job has been the most amazing experience I've ever had; I love getting to be an open book and sharing so much of my life story every week; I've not always understood my life in the clearest way; to be completely honest, I've done a lot of things wrong. If I can make someone's life a little bit better because of the blog, then I think that is a great purpose. I'm thankful that people enjoy it. I am anxious to see what other doors may open for my future as a writer. 

My last greatest blessing is the friends that I have acquired through the years; in recent months, I have gone back to being a loner. I can be a bit socially awkward, but I am thankful for the people who have made me a part of their life in some way; I thank them for being a source of encouragement and support for me through the years; life is not easy, but I hope they know how much I appreciate them. I have been staying very busy lately, but I cherish each and every person who becomes my friend and I like to let them know I'm thinking of them from time to time; I feel it is important to say hello every once in a while to those you care about.  

Writing this post was difficult because I find it hard to express just how grateful for life I really am. In the past year, my faith in God has truly been strengthened and my life has gone from a place of pure distress to pure blessings; giving up on the idea that I  could handle my life is all it took to feel alive again. I am thankful for every breath I have taken, and I'm so blessed to be in the best shape of my life. I can't wait for turkey, dressing, and all the fixings next week, and I hope everyone has a safe, blessed Thanksgiving!

Dating With A Disability

Dating can be a complicated area of life for many, including those with disabilities; in my experience, relationships seem harder to maneuver with a disability simply because of lingering emotional effects of an individual's life that carry over into how they handle things with a significant other. While there are several issues that can cause a relationship to fail, I have found that the most common cause of an issue when dating someone with a disability is their lack of self confidence and their overwhelming desire to feel wanted. I say this because those are the two main obstacles I have faced within myself while being a girlfriend. However, I feel that it takes two to make a relationship work, and both parties have to want to commit to work on each other's flaws together as a team; if someone is unable to recognize their flaws or is not willing to be supportive of the other person, then the romance cannot work because being a couple is a team effort. Today, I am here to talk about the top three issues couples with disabilities, and other couples in general face. I hope to be able to provide some solid advice and to beneficially share what I've learned through my dating experience. 

Reason #1: Dating to Be Dating: I don't know if I would consider this an issue; perhaps it is a decision that will determine the whole dynamic of a dating relationship. I decided to mention it anyhow, because in my opinion, it is the number one cause of a failed relationship and it is never a good thing when you choose to date someone simply for the sake of "having a boyfriend". I was guilty of this in my last relationship. I met a guy during my third year of college who was older than me, thought he was nice, and became interested in him. We were friends for a month before he asked me to be his girlfriend. We split up after a year together because we discovered that we were not on the same page in terms of life. I wanted to be loved, and I wanted to have the family  that I never had; he only wanted a friend and was not interested in that;  looking back, one month was not time enough for me to get to know him or for him to get to know who I am. In the end, the only thing he and I had in common was the fact that we both had a disability and that we both felt lonely. I've learned to never settle because dating is serious business and requires you to be choosy. You can end up with the wrong person at the wrong time. I don't think we ever actually established an emotional connection in the entire time that he and I were together; being a couple is much more than going out to eat, riding to school together, talking on the phone and it is even more than having the commonality of dealing with a disability. It is about finding someone who can know everything about you, know your goals and dreams, and someone who has the true desire to celebrate the happy times and to weather the hard times with you. Don't ever date because it's the cool thing to do. Wait to be in a relationship with someone you're best friends with. Wait until you know what love really is and you can place what it is you love about that person. Give things time and don't jump into anything. As of right now, I am enjoying the single life although I am looking forward to marrying one day and hopefully having children; the right person will show up, I just know it. In hindsight, we both could have done things differently, but I have nothing negative to and  say about my last relationship; it was a time of some happy memories and lessons learned. 

Reason 2: Holding Onto Past: The human course of life is full of both great moments and horrible, life altering moments. Those things can and do have an effect on us and influence our life in a significant way. We must learn not to blame our actions on happenings of the past. Sure, years of being bullied or growing up with a rough childhood can hinder your level of self confidence, make you angry and change the way you view people, but try not to let the bitterness affect how you treats others, especially someone you claim to love. The goal is to be the better person. Don't let having a disability or the occasional aggravation of being different change who you are. Don't be a victim, just try to be the best boyfriend or girlfriend you can be no matter what. 

Reason 3: Be Complete Within Yourself: The third main reason that romantic relationships fail is the fact that one person doesn't feel comfortable with themselves; sometimes it can even be both the boyfriend and the girlfriend. You have to realize that you are special and can offer the world so much without the presence of a partner. For example, I have found my identity as a writer and I'm getting my career established. Dating isn't really a necessity anymore; a  happy and mature relationship is more of something that I am hopeful for in the future now and something I am comfortable with waiting patiently for. This blog post has been pretty general, but I don't want to end it without a bit of encouragement. Everybody on the earth deserves happiness, and can find it with patience in God's timing. He has each of us here for a specific reason. Finding a special someone when you have a disability can sometimes look disheartening, but I promise everything, including romance will work out when and how it's supposed to; in the meantime, enjoy the little things in life and live every day to the fullest. 

Molly's Rules of Friendship

Friendship is something in life that is both a necessity and a privilege; it can be both given and taken away in a heartbeat. Throughout my life, I have learned that just like with anything else we do on a daily basis, friendship has rules; there is a method to the madness when it comes to being a true blue friend, and today I'd like to share that method based off of my own experiences. 

Number One: Honesty. The single most important aspect of a friendship; the very foundation upon which any relationship is built. Be honest and open to old friends and new, because it can go a long way with the people you meet; it helps to build trust, loyalty, love, closeness, and respect. Dishonesty can single-handedly destroy a friendship, and crumple trust beyond repair. It is always important to remember while some are gracious enough to forgive and others don't, words can never be taken back or forgotten. Be careful and think before you speak. 

Number Two: Overcome Personal Fears. I have grown up with one major fear my whole life that is still very much an issue today and that is the fear of abandonment. Most people I've come to know would never have guessed this; that big smile covers up a lot! I'm taking a courageous step today and admitting that it is one thing about myself that I'm a work in progress on. I don't know exactly what the root cause is, whether it be from personal insecurity or from a lack of a relationship with my father; perhaps it is just a mix of both circumstances. The way to overcome this obstacle in the regards of a friendship is by just training yourself to trust a person enough and trusting that even though they may not always talk with you or see you, they will be around; the objective is to learn not to cling. I know a common instance that happens with disabled children in public schools is that people will want to become your "friend" and will only seek to hurt you in every way possible. When I was in high school, I knew a girl and we had been close friends for many years when all of a sudden she became very mean spirited. She started making fun of the clothes I wore, the way I fixed my hair, and sent me a text one evening saying that I would never find a boy to go out with me because boys didn't like ugly girls with long hair and glasses. I got off the bus, came home and cried for two hours. I'd never been so hurt by someone who considered me to be a best friend. to college; I made a high enough score to go, and she didn't. I also dealt with one big unrequited crush throughout middle school and high school; I developed an interest in a boy my 6th grade year; he knew this, and took delight in making fun of me for it. He would purposefully hide my things and watch me frantically search for them, slam doors in my face, openly laugh at me, and then when the teachers were looking he'd stop and say he wasn't doing anything wrong; anything to get a rise out of me. The bullying went on for 5 years and it escalated so much that my mother and the school intervened. He and his friends had started being verbally abusive, telling me I wasn't allowed to have any friends and it was making me a very unhappy person. As it turns out, the boy was not so tough after all. He came up to me in tears that fateful day begging me not to tell my mother what he had done; I guess he hadn't found out that she already knew. I went home smiling that day and he never so much as looked at me ever again. I grew to be cautious of many, and trusting of only a select few. The point of these stories were to illustrate that I have gone through what some of you may be going through right now and I've got great news too....the bullying and all of the friendship drama will end one day, and you'll come out a better, stronger person in the long run; chances are, you will be far more successful than the people you are dealing with right now!

Number 3: Get Yourself Together. The purpose of a friendship is to add to a person's happiness, and not to subtract from it. Everyone has problems and faces issues in life. We're all human and part of being a good friend is to respect the other person by not casting too much on them emotionally. Friends are great for moral support, but at the end of the day are capable of only doing so much; they aren't therapists and it is important to know that playing the victim card has an expiration date; this is my no nonsense way of saying that at some point you become responsible for your life and how you react to things. In my personal life, I have learned to go to God in every time of trouble; totally relying on Him and living my life for Him has helped me to put life in the proper perspective and to look at things in a different way; it may be different for others and that's more than okay; this is only an example. In short, don't feel sorry for yourself...get yourself together! 

Number 4: Forgiveness. Forgiveness is easily the hardest thing to give or to receive. People are notorious for being grudge holders at one time or another. Even though I don't totally understand holding on to bitterness and anger, I honestly have to say I have been guilty of doing just that very thing a time or two. Forgiveness is a healthy part of a friendship; it is not meant to be given as a way of accepting of putting up with whatever caused the issue between two people; it is meant to release any hard feelings and to have peace with a situation; in some instances, this can mean rebuilding a friendship with clearer boundaries. Staying bitter only harms you in the long run; if you let things go, time is often the best revenge on a person because things usually come back to bite whoever might wrong you.

Number 5: Treat Others As You Would Want to Be Treated.  Lastly, treat others as you would want to be treated; it is one of the most well known "golden rules" around the world, and it still rings true today. Be sure to be as kind, honest, and loving to those who love you. Be selfless. Ask them how their day is even if you don't feel like asking, or do something nice for them; show them you care and be there for them when they need a friend. It's all just an equal mix of give and take. I'm still learning in life, but I am making an effort to try, and I'd like to think that would count for something; to me, trying is not a sign of failure, but failure is a sign of not trying.