Friendship is something in life that is both a necessity and a privilege; it can be both given and taken away in a heartbeat. Throughout my life, I have learned that just like with anything else we do on a daily basis, friendship has rules; there is a method to the madness when it comes to being a true blue friend, and today I'd like to share that method based off of my own experiences.
Number One: Honesty. The single most important aspect of a friendship; the very foundation upon which any relationship is built. Be honest and open to old friends and new, because it can go a long way with the people you meet; it helps to build trust, loyalty, love, closeness, and respect. Dishonesty can single-handedly destroy a friendship, and crumple trust beyond repair. It is always important to remember while some are gracious enough to forgive and others don't, words can never be taken back or forgotten. Be careful and think before you speak.
Number Two: Overcome Personal Fears. I have grown up with one major fear my whole life that is still very much an issue today and that is the fear of abandonment. Most people I've come to know would never have guessed this; that big smile covers up a lot! I'm taking a courageous step today and admitting that it is one thing about myself that I'm a work in progress on. I don't know exactly what the root cause is, whether it be from personal insecurity or from a lack of a relationship with my father; perhaps it is just a mix of both circumstances. The way to overcome this obstacle in the regards of a friendship is by just training yourself to trust a person enough and trusting that even though they may not always talk with you or see you, they will be around; the objective is to learn not to cling. I know a common instance that happens with disabled children in public schools is that people will want to become your "friend" and will only seek to hurt you in every way possible. When I was in high school, I knew a girl and we had been close friends for many years when all of a sudden she became very mean spirited. She started making fun of the clothes I wore, the way I fixed my hair, and sent me a text one evening saying that I would never find a boy to go out with me because boys didn't like ugly girls with long hair and glasses. I got off the bus, came home and cried for two hours. I'd never been so hurt by someone who considered me to be a best friend. to college; I made a high enough score to go, and she didn't. I also dealt with one big unrequited crush throughout middle school and high school; I developed an interest in a boy my 6th grade year; he knew this, and took delight in making fun of me for it. He would purposefully hide my things and watch me frantically search for them, slam doors in my face, openly laugh at me, and then when the teachers were looking he'd stop and say he wasn't doing anything wrong; anything to get a rise out of me. The bullying went on for 5 years and it escalated so much that my mother and the school intervened. He and his friends had started being verbally abusive, telling me I wasn't allowed to have any friends and it was making me a very unhappy person. As it turns out, the boy was not so tough after all. He came up to me in tears that fateful day begging me not to tell my mother what he had done; I guess he hadn't found out that she already knew. I went home smiling that day and he never so much as looked at me ever again. I grew to be cautious of many, and trusting of only a select few. The point of these stories were to illustrate that I have gone through what some of you may be going through right now and I've got great news too....the bullying and all of the friendship drama will end one day, and you'll come out a better, stronger person in the long run; chances are, you will be far more successful than the people you are dealing with right now!
Number 3: Get Yourself Together. The purpose of a friendship is to add to a person's happiness, and not to subtract from it. Everyone has problems and faces issues in life. We're all human and part of being a good friend is to respect the other person by not casting too much on them emotionally. Friends are great for moral support, but at the end of the day are capable of only doing so much; they aren't therapists and it is important to know that playing the victim card has an expiration date; this is my no nonsense way of saying that at some point you become responsible for your life and how you react to things. In my personal life, I have learned to go to God in every time of trouble; totally relying on Him and living my life for Him has helped me to put life in the proper perspective and to look at things in a different way; it may be different for others and that's more than okay; this is only an example. In short, don't feel sorry for yourself...get yourself together!
Number 4: Forgiveness. Forgiveness is easily the hardest thing to give or to receive. People are notorious for being grudge holders at one time or another. Even though I don't totally understand holding on to bitterness and anger, I honestly have to say I have been guilty of doing just that very thing a time or two. Forgiveness is a healthy part of a friendship; it is not meant to be given as a way of accepting of putting up with whatever caused the issue between two people; it is meant to release any hard feelings and to have peace with a situation; in some instances, this can mean rebuilding a friendship with clearer boundaries. Staying bitter only harms you in the long run; if you let things go, time is often the best revenge on a person because things usually come back to bite whoever might wrong you.
Number 5: Treat Others As You Would Want to Be Treated. Lastly, treat others as you would want to be treated; it is one of the most well known "golden rules" around the world, and it still rings true today. Be sure to be as kind, honest, and loving to those who love you. Be selfless. Ask them how their day is even if you don't feel like asking, or do something nice for them; show them you care and be there for them when they need a friend. It's all just an equal mix of give and take. I'm still learning in life, but I am making an effort to try, and I'd like to think that would count for something; to me, trying is not a sign of failure, but failure is a sign of not trying.
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