Dating With A Disability

Dating can be a complicated area of life for many, including those with disabilities; in my experience, relationships seem harder to maneuver with a disability simply because of lingering emotional effects of an individual's life that carry over into how they handle things with a significant other. While there are several issues that can cause a relationship to fail, I have found that the most common cause of an issue when dating someone with a disability is their lack of self confidence and their overwhelming desire to feel wanted. I say this because those are the two main obstacles I have faced within myself while being a girlfriend. However, I feel that it takes two to make a relationship work, and both parties have to want to commit to work on each other's flaws together as a team; if someone is unable to recognize their flaws or is not willing to be supportive of the other person, then the romance cannot work because being a couple is a team effort. Today, I am here to talk about the top three issues couples with disabilities, and other couples in general face. I hope to be able to provide some solid advice and to beneficially share what I've learned through my dating experience. 

Reason #1: Dating to Be Dating: I don't know if I would consider this an issue; perhaps it is a decision that will determine the whole dynamic of a dating relationship. I decided to mention it anyhow, because in my opinion, it is the number one cause of a failed relationship and it is never a good thing when you choose to date someone simply for the sake of "having a boyfriend". I was guilty of this in my last relationship. I met a guy during my third year of college who was older than me, thought he was nice, and became interested in him. We were friends for a month before he asked me to be his girlfriend. We split up after a year together because we discovered that we were not on the same page in terms of life. I wanted to be loved, and I wanted to have the family  that I never had; he only wanted a friend and was not interested in that;  looking back, one month was not time enough for me to get to know him or for him to get to know who I am. In the end, the only thing he and I had in common was the fact that we both had a disability and that we both felt lonely. I've learned to never settle because dating is serious business and requires you to be choosy. You can end up with the wrong person at the wrong time. I don't think we ever actually established an emotional connection in the entire time that he and I were together; being a couple is much more than going out to eat, riding to school together, talking on the phone and it is even more than having the commonality of dealing with a disability. It is about finding someone who can know everything about you, know your goals and dreams, and someone who has the true desire to celebrate the happy times and to weather the hard times with you. Don't ever date because it's the cool thing to do. Wait to be in a relationship with someone you're best friends with. Wait until you know what love really is and you can place what it is you love about that person. Give things time and don't jump into anything. As of right now, I am enjoying the single life although I am looking forward to marrying one day and hopefully having children; the right person will show up, I just know it. In hindsight, we both could have done things differently, but I have nothing negative to and  say about my last relationship; it was a time of some happy memories and lessons learned. 

Reason 2: Holding Onto Past: The human course of life is full of both great moments and horrible, life altering moments. Those things can and do have an effect on us and influence our life in a significant way. We must learn not to blame our actions on happenings of the past. Sure, years of being bullied or growing up with a rough childhood can hinder your level of self confidence, make you angry and change the way you view people, but try not to let the bitterness affect how you treats others, especially someone you claim to love. The goal is to be the better person. Don't let having a disability or the occasional aggravation of being different change who you are. Don't be a victim, just try to be the best boyfriend or girlfriend you can be no matter what. 

Reason 3: Be Complete Within Yourself: The third main reason that romantic relationships fail is the fact that one person doesn't feel comfortable with themselves; sometimes it can even be both the boyfriend and the girlfriend. You have to realize that you are special and can offer the world so much without the presence of a partner. For example, I have found my identity as a writer and I'm getting my career established. Dating isn't really a necessity anymore; a  happy and mature relationship is more of something that I am hopeful for in the future now and something I am comfortable with waiting patiently for. This blog post has been pretty general, but I don't want to end it without a bit of encouragement. Everybody on the earth deserves happiness, and can find it with patience in God's timing. He has each of us here for a specific reason. Finding a special someone when you have a disability can sometimes look disheartening, but I promise everything, including romance will work out when and how it's supposed to; in the meantime, enjoy the little things in life and live every day to the fullest.