Overcoming The Challenge of Self Acceptance as A Person with A Disability

The challenge of self acceptance is one part of maturing that I feel everyone goes through in some form or fashion; as a person with cerebral palsy, I have braved this battle and have first hand experience with overcoming the "wanting to fit in" phase of the disability journey. I want to share what has pulled me through the hardest of times and to the state of mind that is accepting of myself. Sure, I continue to be faced with this struggle from within; I want my life to be a reflection of light and love.

First of all, gaining wisdom from those around me has been crucial to my daily life of constant learning and evolving. My mother has never failed to provide me with helpful advice during the times when I least expected it; she always knows what to say. Friends from my present and my past have also served as teachers of lessons I needed to learn in order to be the person I am today. I have truly become a much better person from all of my experiences.

Age is another aspect that has played a definite role in the development of self acceptance. I am not sure how else to put it into words, but life seems to eventually position you into a head space where you realize that your happiness and contentment solely depend on YOU. Your thought processes change drastically. Others' opinions become minuscule in size. Your focus becomes centered around finding out who you are and what you can do to contribute to society.

Lastly, finding my place in the world as a writer and meeting so many wonderful people who have disabilities and are successful with what they do in life has served as such an inspiration to my soul. My writing career has opened many doors that I am thankful for, including my career in the independent living field. I have grown in my confidence. Life slows me down at times but nothing will ever completely stop me. Don't ever give in to your mind and who you think you are. You are so much more. Focus on what you CAN do, not what you can't. The possibilities are limitless.

The Light After The Fire

As a writer, some topics are not easy to approach; some ideas just seem to not want to come together as painlessly as you want them to. I have experienced A LOT  during my walk with the Lord; while I have had wonderful times, I've also faced many tumultuous times in the past that I find are still amazingly hard to put into words all these years later.

A house fire is one of the most devastating moments of horror a family can go through; I experienced this first hand as a shy, soft spoken twelve year old and I never want to go through another one ever again. We lost pretty much everything we owned except the clothes we had on our backs.

I will never forget that day as long as I live. A day so tragic, yet one that showed me my first true and personal testimonial instance of God's love and protection towards Mom and I.

January 30, 2005 served as both the climax and turning point of seemingly endless dark days that plagued my life at the time; I had gotten saved the previous summer, and Jesus first worked in my life by getting me out of a horrible situation and having us move to my grandmother's house.

On this particular day, we were in the actual process of loading our belongings and bringing them to the new house; we only were able to snatch one full load from where we were moving from before the place went up in flames and burned to the ground just minutes after we had left. Tobie, my seven month old miniature pincher was unfortunately left inside, as we thought we'd have the chance to come back and retrieve more belongings. She ran into my room to hide from the fire; she did not burn, but rather died of smoke inhalation. I still think of her from time to time, and I can't imagine how terrified she must of been going through that all alone.

I have to praise the Lord for letting us leave unharmed! We were so blessed to have been kept safe!

The second trip of boxes and furniture was to include Mom's kitchen belongings, our clothes, Tobie, and my bed. We were truly devastated to have our lives flipped upside down. What were we going to do? I feel so blessed to know that we made it out with some precious, irreplaceable items and I'm almost positive the Lord worked that way as well, making sure we kept the most precious of our memories.

Items such as:

-All of my Mom's major furniture
-My bible from the night I got saved that has my name and salvation date written on the inside of it.
-Actual tangible objects that make me remember Mamaw Ruby and Irene
-Home videos featuring them
-Mom's picture trunk with precious photos.

I'll never forget the moment I found out about losing my home. The memory is still so vivid after all of these years.

Mom and I were at my grandmother's unpacking that first load, and the second load was on its way to being picked up. We didn't move that far away from where we were. I remember getting anxious as more and more time passed, and the truck that was supposed to come with the rest of our necessities never came.

The sun went completely down, and it was now pitch dark. Still no truck.


Suddenly, as a car pulled up into the driveway, something in me knew. Something WAS wrong. Where was the truck? What's with the appearance of the car? Upstairs, I very faintly could hear the words, but I didn't want to believe they were spoken to my mother. There was no way. I had just watched a documentary in Tech Ed on house fires and what to do during such a thing. It would never happen to me though, would it?

Oh, but I heard. "Kathy, your house burnt down"

Words so very faint in volume, but yet as powerful as the plunging of the heart into the stomach. So powerful, that all I could do was burst into tears the moment I was personally told and embraced into the tightest of hugs. No one can ever prepare you for your reaction to devastation. Floods of tears led to me becoming numb in disbelief. I couldn't fathom such a tragedy happening in my family.

What life also doesn't prepare you for is seeing just how much the Lord can help you in your time of need by using those around you, and people you don't even expect to be there for you; that's what makes His love so special. I returned to school a few days after and as soon as I walked into the gym doors, I saw my friend with what I can estimate as six or seven bags full of clothes; that was one of  the single most awesome blessings I've ever received, and to this day I am still ever so thankful.

Family pitched in. I was taken shopping. We received all kinds of donations from the community and sympathy cards. Prayers. Anything you could imagine. I get so happy still just thinking about how much people really came to rally around us. Love was shown.

Thirteen years later, my light shines brighter because of that fire and the many trials that have turned into my winning battles. Fire is what gives us our will to fight. Fire can sometimes be tricky, posing  itself as something to break us when really it is just our light for Him being developed. The Lord is my first source of love: He has turned me into someone I am starting to like. I have accomplished a lot, I've weathered a lot of storms, and I've never lost my spirit within. You may get knocked down at times, but you have to continue to be His warrior; He'll never forsake you.

Life Lessons Learned as an Adult with Cerebral Palsy

I have learned to love the fact that life constantly evolves; circumstances we thought were so terrible slowly begin to reveal their purpose in our lives in the most beautiful of ways. Experiences work to propel us forward and to strengthen our resolve. I love to think of life with cerebral palsy as a unique version of that same natural evolution of character and tenacity. We as people with disabilities develop and evolve into strong individuals as a result of aging. Now, I'm only twenty five so why would I write about aging with cerebral palsy?

Well, it is this age that I have felt such a shift in how I view the world and those around me. I feel as though turning twenty six in a couple of months has begun to show through my newly discovered mindset. The purpose of me writing on this is to show younger people with disabilities is that there will be a time when you won't care what others think of you. You'll wake up and realize how dumb is was to try to "fit in" with the in crowd, when it would have been just as suitable to be yourself.

I have found a lot of joy in my life through these last couple of years, and I've gained a lot of wisdom. I still don't know everything, and I haven't experienced nearly as much as some people, but I do think I have some valuable insight that I would want to share today. I know when I was a lot younger, my mother used to tell me I'd get to where I'd see circumstances through older eyes and I never believed her. Guess what? She was right!

So today, I want to share the three biggest ways that I feel I have started to evolve during these last couple of years: I have developed the "I don't care who thinks what" attitude, I genuinely accept myself, and I have learned to identify as just "Molly".

1) Indifference of Opinions- Indifference of opinions is a fancy way of saying I now have the "I don't care who thinks what" attitude. I found myself rather shocked to realize this as it has literally come about in the last year or so. Growing up, I had such a dependence on people and I wanted so badly to be part of a group. I was still trying to "fit in" at the age of twenty two. I couldn't stand myself. I longed for normalcy, or what I thought normalcy was supposed to be. I'm now almost twenty six, and that way of thinking is long gone; it feels as though I've entered a new class, a new era. Friendships are easier to make now because I like who I am. I do not need validation, recognition, or attention from those around me to provide me with that blissful existence. I live happily just by being myself. I look back and cringe at some of the experiences I've gone through, but I also remember that they worked for my good, and developed me into who I am today. I have a suspicion that twenty six and beyond will be interesting as I'm excited to see where God takes me and what else He teaches me.

2) Self Acceptance Is Not An Issue- As I stated previously, I genuinely love who I've become. I love everything about my life; I have been abundantly blessed. I am constantly becoming more independent, and I feel that what has helped me with self acceptance the most is the fact that I am building a career now and I do have a valuable purpose. Life has become exciting and fun; I am full of ambition and happiness. Depression has exited my soul, as it seems ridiculous as I  so vividly remember what internally wrecked my existence for so many years: A) flaws within myself that I now love, B) petty thoughts that don't amount to anything, and C) issues I no longer care about.

The presence of self acceptance and the amount of time it takes to arrive at this point in life with a disability is different for everyone. We all have unique paths we are on in life, but I promise you it does eventually get sweeter and the fact that you're you becomes easier to deal with. Just hang tight and keep pushing forward!

3) Not Letting Cerebral Palsy Define Who I Am- As I am becoming older, I no longer wish to identify as the inspirational girl with cerebral palsy. Don't get me wrong: the support I've had over the last few years with my writing career has been wonderful and I am so happy that I have inspired so many, both able-bodied and not. Moving forward in 2018, I just want to be known as "Molly the writer". I have grown tired of writing so much about cerebral palsy, because it is just a tiny fraction of who I am. I'd love to try new topics, posts unrelated to my disability. I have a few great ideas lined up for the rest of February. I don't want to dwell on something that doesn't fully describe who Molly is. My mindset has gotten me to focus on venturing past what really doesn't matter; it does not mean anything that I have cerebral palsy. Everyone has something they struggle with. I want to inspire people not to be surprised when they accomplish something wonderful. Never underestimate yourself. Society subconsciously conditions us to think we are not capable of much, when in reality we probably have more inner strength and determination than most.

Never let your mind entertain the notion of "I can't". You most certainly can. Never give up. You never know what you could be missing out on. Life is truly what you make of it; live the fullest of days that you can.

Three Ways Aging with Cerebral Palsy Has Changed Me

I have learned to love the fact that life constantly evolves; circumstances we thought were so terrible slowly begin to reveal their purpose in our lives in the most beautiful of ways. Experiences work to propel us forward and to strengthen our resolve. I love to think of life with cerebral palsy as a unique version of that same natural evolution of character and tenacity. We as people with disabilities develop and evolve into strong individuals as a result of aging. Now, I'm only twenty five so why would I write about aging with cerebral palsy?

Well, it is this age that I have felt such a shift in how I view the world and those around me. I feel as though turning twenty six in a couple of months has begun to show through my newly discovered mindset. The purpose of me writing on this is to show younger people with disabilities is that there will be a time when you won't care what others think of you. You'll wake up and realize how dumb is was to try to "fit in" with the in crowd, when it would have been just as suitable to be yourself.

I have found a lot of joy in my life through these last couple of years, and I've gained a lot of wisdom. I still don't know everything, and I haven't experienced nearly as much as some people, but I do think I have some valuable insight that I would want to share today. I know when I was a lot younger, my mother used to tell me I'd get to where I'd see circumstances through older eyes and I never believed her. Guess what? She was right!

So today, I want to share the three biggest ways that I feel I have started to evolve during these last couple of years: I have developed the "I don't care who thinks what" attitude, I genuinely accept myself, and I have learned to identify as just "Molly".

1) Indifference of Opinions- Indifference of opinions is a fancy way of saying I now have the "I don't care who thinks what" attitude. I found myself rather shocked to realize this as it has literally come about in the last year or so. Growing up, I had such a dependence on people and I wanted so badly to be part of a group. I was still trying to "fit in" at the age of twenty two. I couldn't stand myself. I longed for normalcy, or what I thought normalcy was supposed to be. I'm now almost twenty six, and that way of thinking is long gone; it feels as though I've entered a new class, a new era. Friendships are easier to make now because I like who I am. I do not need validation, recognition, or attention from those around me to provide me with that blissful existence. I live happily just by being myself. I look back and cringe at some of the experiences I've gone through, but I also remember that they worked for my good, and developed me into who I am today. I have a suspicion that twenty six and beyond will be interesting as I'm excited to see where God takes me and what else He teaches me.

2) Self Acceptance Is Not An Issue- As I stated previously, I genuinely love who I've become. I love everything about my life; I have been abundantly blessed. I am constantly becoming more independent, and I feel that what has helped me with self acceptance the most is the fact that I am building a career now and I do have a valuable purpose. Life has become exciting and fun; I am full of ambition and happiness. Depression has exited my soul, as it seems ridiculous as I  so vividly remember what internally wrecked my existence for so many years: A) flaws within myself that I now love, B) petty thoughts that don't amount to anything, and C) issues I no longer care about.

The presence of self acceptance and the amount of time it takes to arrive at this point in life with a disability is different for everyone. We all have unique paths we are on in life, but I promise you it does eventually get sweeter and the fact that you're you becomes easier to deal with. Just hang tight and keep pushing forward!

3) Not Letting Cerebral Palsy Define Who I Am- As I am becoming older, I no longer wish to identify as the inspirational girl with cerebral palsy. Don't get me wrong: the support I've had over the last few years with my writing career has been wonderful and I am so happy that I have inspired so many, both able-bodied and not. Moving forward in 2018, I just want to be known as "Molly the writer". I have been doing great so far with keeping up my weekly post new years resolution, (aside from being ill this past week, but I will get caught up this weekend, I promise!) I have grown tired of writing so much about cerebral palsy, because it is just a tiny fraction of who I am. I'd love to try new topics, posts unrelated to my disability. I have a few great ideas lined up for the rest of February. I don't want to dwell on something that doesn't fully describe who Molly is. My mindset has gotten me to focus on venturing past what really doesn't matter; it does not mean anything that I have cerebral palsy. Everyone has something they struggle with. I want to inspire people not to be surprised when they accomplish something wonderful. Never underestimate yourself. Society subconsciously conditions us to think we are not capable of much, when in reality we probably have more inner strength and determination than most.

Never let your mind entertain the notion of "I can't". You most certainly can. Never give up. You never know what you could be missing out on. Life is truly what you make of it; live the fullest of days that you can.