Hey everyone! I apologize for posting so late today, but life stays busy at my house and I just haven't been quite sure how to go about writing this week; sometimes it's hard to get started in the writing process. I am proud to say I can now mark camping off of my life to do list. I just want to say how much of a blessing the overnight trip to Pipe Stem with my Sunday school class was. I had so much fun! I had not had a smore in 13 years, and it was as tasty as I remembered. I even ventured out of my comfort zone and braved a 3000 feet hike to the top of a tower overlooking beautiful landscape. My legs got some much welcomed exercise.
I came home Saturday evening and on Sunday morning, my mother showed me a video about how much it doesn't matter who you are or who you think you are, God can still use you and can still bless your life. The video talked about all of the things that many people are concerned with, and those things are aspects of life that won't make a bit of difference in the end. The video talked about how in each of us there is a strong person on the inside who the devil doesn't want to come out. I thought, how true. The devil is after all Christians. He doesn't want us to have any joy or any victories in life and he will use what he can to tear us down. While watching and listening to the video, I realized he has been after me too; I was reminded of the "I'm different and it's not a good thing" song that has been on repeat in my head since I was a little kid and still is today even though I'm a grown woman. I don't do enough to give the Lord enough praise but I am so thankful for Him. I've failed Him many times, but He has not once left my side.
The trip and the video were both eye openers to me; I am still in so much shock that I even attempted a hike. Truth be told, I was very nervous about the entire trip. The biggest obstacle that Satan has put in front of me has been a nasty fear of social situations and up until this past weekend, I hadn't really fought back. I've given in so many times and I let it destroy me. I'm not afraid to admit it. I'm not perfect. Every time I am faced with meeting someone new or doing something new, I feel as if I have this huge boulder on my chest and I start over analyzing everything about myself; it might seem ridiculous, and I know it is but it is very real. Every thing I have been through has shown me just how loyal God is. I've had times where I've been foolish and I don't have as much faith as I should; it has increased lately, but I'm still not where I'd like to be. I know I'll get there, it's just going to take some time. The hike was a huge accomplishment for me, and I don't know how I felt so fearless when walking, but I just felt like I didn't mind for some reason; I thank God for that experience because it showed me that if He can see me through a hike, then He can get me through anything, including my social fear; it's going to just take some effort on my part which I am happy to try; it was exhilarating, and most surely renewed my inner strength. I was so proud too. I've come a long way. Thank you Lord. During my time on this Earth, I have learned that I won't ever have a greater friend than Jesus; no one will stick by your side like He does; that goes for every Christian. There's no point in putting your faith and happiness in people or worrying about what others say; it took me a while to commit that to my heart; it only matters what the Lord says about you. As for the devil, all I want to say to him is yes, I've messed up before but my story isn't over yet.
I would love to be able to overcome this obstacle once and for all. I would love to be able to open up more around people my own age. I want to thank everyone that I went on the trip with for being so kind. I've always felt like an outsider in life, and even though I am young myself, this is a very new experience for me. I've spent the majority of my life running away from myself and my disability, and I've tried everything just to try to fit in in this world. I thank God for placing me in this class and I just want to say what a blessing it was to be in the presence of fellow Christians. I enjoyed hearing all of the testimonies Friday night, and they really encouraged me too. I was so glad to be able to share my own.
I am thankful for each and every person in the Young Adult class at my church (Teays Valley Baptist) and I wanted to tell you all I love you; even though, I don't talk that much, every time you all say hello or ask me how I'm doing, it means so much. I am so happy that you have welcomed me with open arms. I'm going to fight my battle. God has really blessed my life in the past year, and the desire of my heart lately has been to do more for Him, because He deserves every bit of the rest of my life. I don't want my journey to just be about some victories and a lot of defeats. I want it to be a lot of victories and a few defeats. I'm not going to be perfect, I know that. I'm going to mess up still, but I refuse to stand half defeated any longer. My God is my rock, and nothing can take me away from Him. I will do my best to live as close to Him as I can, and everyone please pray that God would use me in some way. I want Him to. I'm ready and willing. I feel like writing is just the start...There's so much more for me to do.
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