(May 1934: Lincoln County,West Virginia)
The way Jesus started workin’ in my life was unlike anything I had ever seen before; the last seven months filled with so much goodness in our family. A new beginning brought us closer together, even though nothing would stay the same. I was still struggling to find my peace. My heart still felt torn. Even so, I knew and trusted that Jesus was with me. I knew He would always be that solid anchor for me.
The sun started to set as I headed back into the house. There’s something about fresh air and farmland that is soothing. I still enjoyed havin’ time to myself. As I said, things were changing in our family: Della married a couple of months ago. She was never too far away, while my brothers, other sisters, and I were gettin’ older. We had lots of new friends around.
The Lord was dealing with me and I didn’t know what to do. I always felt so ashamed because I wasn’t as strong as mama. I always cried remembering daddy and the love we shared. I was so thankful for my mama. I needed to tell her everything. One morning changed our relationship in the most unexpected way.
Della and mama prepared fresh bread and butter for breakfast. As everybody started eating, I sat at the table, thinking in silence. I couldn’t help but feel sad. Della noticed me, as she stuffed a tiny bite of food into her mouth.
“Are you alright?” she asked, wearing a worried expression.
“I don’t know,” I answered, quietly.
“Are ya sick?” she prodded gently. “Is there somethin’ I can do?” she continued.
“No, I’ll be alright. Just go on.” I said, looking down at my picked-at piece of bread as tears started to fill my eyes. Della got up from the table and started to clean up the small mess from breakfast. A few minutes later, mama sat down in the chair across from me, reaching over to grab a piece of bread.
“What’s goin’ on with ya?” she asked, intently.
I said nothing.
“Melda Jean…” Mama sat patiently, waiting for me to say something.
“I just feel so bad for not bein’ strong like you,” I said as tears rushed down my cheeks. “I can’t forget Mr. Marshall, his face is every place I go.” I continued, sobbing. Mama came over to me, pulling me into a loving hug. “I don’t know how to make him go away.” Mama was crying now too. “I just can’t mama. I ain’t strong enough.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” mama, said tearfully.
“I was tryin’ to be strong like you” I replied, my voice beginning to crack. “I am so mad at myself for bein’ this way,” I buried my head further in mama’s chest, hot fresh tears streaming down my cheeks.
“I’m so sorry honey,” she said, stroking my hair. “But I know it will be okay. I know it.” She let out a sniffle. “You have nothin’ to be sorry for,” she spoke in a soft voice, continuing to hold me.
“All we can do is give this to the Lord, ” she said after a while. “Give me your hand.”
I placed my hand in mama’s. I bowed my head as she prayed with me that morning:
“Dear Heavenly Father, please be with my Melda. She’s been hurtin’ and I pray that You would help her to get her joy back. I pray that You would fill the empty space in her heart Lord, touch her and help her to heal Lord. In Jesus name, we pray. Amen.”
Mama enveloped me in a loving hug. When she looked at me again, I noticed how tired she was. I saw deep pain in those big brown eyes. My mama was so beautiful. This was another one of our little talks that I was thankful for. She got up from the table and went to her bed to find the little Bible she kept nearby:
“Next time you feel like that Mel Bell, you remember what the Lord says”:
“Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.” (Romans 12:19)
I hugged mama once more and went outside to help my brothers with the farm chores. Fresh air was a good idea; keeping busy always helped clear my head. I still didn’t feel whole and I wasn’t sure when or if I ever would. I had to trust in the Lord’s promise.
Mama’s words from this morning were swirling in my head. Nighttime came, and I could feel Him tugging on my heart. I tried every other way to escape, but the past kept on following me. All there was left to do was to pray and to place the situation once and for all into the hands of the Lord.
I got down on my knees, took a deep breath as I started to pray :
“Dear Heavenly Father, I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry for not having the courage to talk to You before about how I been feelin’. It’s had me in an uproar for so long. I don’t wanna run from dealin’ with it no more. Take this away from me, please. Please forgive me for not tellin’ my mama everything sooner than I did. In Jesus name, I pray. Amen.”
I could hear mama putting my younger siblings to bed as I got up off my knees. I tiptoed to her bedside where her little Bible was and started to read it. I flipped through the pages. I felt fresh tears of thankfulness slide down my face as I stumbled upon this verse:
“And he said unto her, Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace, and be whole of thy plague.” (Mark 5:34)
Seeing that verse gave my soul the peace that it needed and my heart was thankful. He would always be the faithful listening ear and my greatest friend. Through it all, His love surpassed my fear. There’s no greater blessing than the solid anchor of hope found in Jesus.
“Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.” (Romans 12:19)
“And he said unto her, Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace, and be whole of thy plague.” (Mark 5:34)
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