The transition from high school into the world of college can be one of the most exciting, yet terrifying aspects of growing up for an up and coming college freshman, and it is not just an adjustment for the student, but for their family as well. No one tells you what to expect.
University professors and advisors assume you know everything there is to know about being a college student, even if you don't have the slightest clue; it is an entirely different world that is filled with newfound adult responsibilities that can be very stressful. The trick is learning how to manage them; that is where I come in. I wanted to write this post, because I feel it is important that I tell you a little bit about what to expect from your transition into adulthood while facing a disability, and I wanted to use my own college experience as an outline because it taught me so much about self advocacy, socializing with others, time management, and emotional regulation and those are the four major developmental aspects that I want to discuss today. I cannot speak for every specific situation, but all I hope to do is provide some meaningful advice.
Self Advocacy: At the age of 18, I had no clue what being an advocate meant; I had no idea that having a disability would require me to be one. I was known as one of the brains in my graduating class, and I thought that college would be a piece of cake. Little did I know, I was in for a very rude awakening. Orientation day came around and I was never informed of what the term 'credit hours' means, or that you could simply withdraw from a course or courses if you weren't doing so well. I was not told about the disability services that each college offers. I never knew of any disability services, until after the fact that I finished my first semester with a .5 GPA! There are many reasons why accommodations aren't given to students. Documentation is needed to prove that you need the services, and it is very difficult to get said documentation if you have a disability that isn't visible to the eye such as: ADHD, autism spectrum disorder, or a form of mental
illness; other accommodations such as extended test time, or a lightened workload aren't given because most college freshmen either don't know that such help exists or they don't know where to look for it; then again, you also have people like me who are too stubborn and don't want to ask for it because they are trying to refrain from setting themselves apart from others. Adulthood requires you to speak up. No one can read your thoughts and no one can live your life for you. You are in total control. A disability presents some unique circumstances, but you can overcome them by actively looking for the assistance you need. How can you better inform yourself? Speak up. Ask as many questions as you need to because no question is stupid. Struggles don't make you weak. You can be the well known brilliant kid at your high school, but nearly flunk out your freshman year due to an emotional breakdown brought on by stress and an overwhelming workload; it can happen to anyone. Don't be afraid. Don't let the idea of a college education or life in general intimidate you. There's a solution to every problem. Stand up for yourself.
Socializing with Others: You might be wondering, "What questions do I ask?", or "How do I just walk up to someone strange and ask them a question?" A social life takes on a very different meaning when you are an adult and it can also help with the nervousness that having a disability causes; being social doesn't mean staying out late, being on Facebook 24/7, or being close with the wrong crowd; it means getting to know people who may face similar obstacles and choosing friends that love you for who you are. The most important step towards being social is getting to be comfortable with who YOU are. If you are not accepting of yourself, then having a bunch of friends won't do you much good; it will not only hurt you, but it will also bring them down and that is not what your goal should be. During my first year of college, I got to know a group of girls who weren't necessarily bad, but I just didn't have one single thing in common with them. I tried so hard to fit into their lifestyle, but it didn't work because that's not who I am at all. Looking back, I must have looked quite silly wearing high heels and walking all over campus in them; after that first year, my daily attire was mostly jeans, a t shirt, and tennis shoes. It is amazing the stupid things people will do to try to be something other than what they are; I'm Molly and that's all I'll ever be. I'm a quiet girl who is very shy around new people, but once you get to know me, I can talk for hours. Join clubs that catch your interest; having a great time with people who share your same hobbies is the best kind of fun and a great way to socialize.
Time Management: Time management is a skill that is essential for every day life. College teaches you a lot about how to balance many tasks at one time. For example, a typical college week may include having a class presentation that you have to do on a subject you may or may not understand that is worth half of your grade, three separate exams to study for plus chapter reading that is expected to be done all within the week ; I had many sleepless nights. It is important to keep in mind...responsibilities come first, then you can play later; most of my free time was spent catching up on sleep.
Emotional Regulation: As for emotional regulation, the only advice I can give is to let yourself grow and mature through time. I cannot keep someone from making mistakes; I can give guidance, but I can't and won't tell you exactly what you should and shouldn't do. Dealing with a disability is a process and it is something that each person comes to terms with in their own way and in their own time. Wrong decisions and the consequences of those decisions are sometimes our best teachers. I have days where I still feel angry, aggravated, and sad over my whole life, but I have slowly learned to feel those emotions and then let them go. It is okay to be emotional; being different is hard to accept; you want to be like everyone else and you want to override the memories of your childhood filled with bullying, abuse, and sadness. Now, I just look at how far I've come, and how I'm now able to help and inspire others because of what I've gone through and I'm like "Wow!" Having a positive attitude is easier said than done. Even at 23, there are extremely rare times that someone will make fun of me, but instead of getting mad, I am usually in shock at their ignorance. The saying "time heals all wounds" is half true. I'm over being angry, but I've never forgotten anything. I accept my life; emotional regulation is possible when you accept how your life is and when you realize that you can be stronger than you ever imagined.
No comments:
Post a Comment