This week, I was asked to write about how I'm feeling. One emotion that mainly comes to mind is happiness, but I feel as though it is a different kind of happiness that is made up of both strength and contentment. I look back on some of the things that I've dealt with and I can't help but feel a little proud of how far I've come. I wanted to start back on the blog with a post that shares what happiness means to me.
Time has certainly taught me the importance of family. I am so thankful to always feel so loved. My greatest joy is being an aunt to my three nieces and three nephews. I am getting excited for the holidays and I can't wait to see them on Christmas Eve; they are such great kids. I'm so proud of them and also love them very much. The one hope that I have for my life is that I'll always be someone that they feel they can look up to. I know in the past, I've let my emotional issues get in the way and at times I feel that I've not always made it clear just how much I appreciate my entire family. When a person is not in a great place and life is a struggle, family tends to be taken for granted. I'm happy to be where I'm at in this time of my life, and I'm thankful to be alive. Happiness is helping your Mom put up Christmas decorations and the Christmas tree and truly being excited; this time last year I was still figuring things out with myself and wanted no part of decorating or putting up the tree. Happiness is telling your Mom you love her while decorating the tree and feeling your heart swell with overwhelming contentment; the past couple of years were hard for our relationship because I began struggling underneath the surface and I distanced myself from my mother emotionally. However, these days I feel that Mom and I have our friendship back and it is great. The support system that I have through my family is amazing and I don't know what I'd do without it. I love you all.
I find it interesting the kind of phases we go through that work to teach us so many valuable lessons. My biggest source of personal growth and happiness is the maturity that I have gained through it all. My life has been full of trials and tribulations, but each one has made me a better woman. True happiness is not letting yourself feel defeated, and realizing that every storm can be conquered; perfection isn't possible, but your imperfect self is worth so much more than you think. The one thing I would say to someone who might try to define me is that you don't know me; there is so much more than meets the eye. I'm just Molly, and that's all I'll ever be. I've come to be at peace with who I am and what I've been through. The most awful feeling that I've ever experienced is a constant void that needs to be filled. I'm glad that my outlook on life has gradually become more positive with each passing day; life isn't perfect, I still have bad days but so does everyone else. In that way, I'm no different. I'm glad that I no longer have that void, and that I am slowly learning to be my own friend.
I hope that the happiness continues to be in my life and I hope I'll always be someone who appreciates the smaller things that life has to offer. I don't require many material possessions. I hope I continue to enjoy every happy moment of my existence. I'm proud of myself for dealing with my issues as a fighter and a survivor. My hope is to become someone who can help others in the same situation; happiness is possible, but it starts from within yourself. Once you realize that, life becomes much easier to handle; it is a process, but I'm proof that it is very much doable!
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